What's really going on

Lemme try something. Instead of telling a fun story about me and my friends adventures together. Let me share what is really going on in my heart. Thoughts of life and death are close by all the time. Dad. Wondering sometimes if he might just come back one day. I was there the moment he died, and when they took him away but to remember his body and believe that he will never move again or talk again is a hard thought for my mind to conceive.

Yesterday i was at Tabor and i was just picturing what my life would be if everything and everyone that i cared about was taken from me. Would i still be willing to be filled by Yeshua? Would He still be my one thing? How tightly i cling to the people around me i love and the things that i have, and how quickly i forget about Him. I looked pretty pitiful just standing there all alone. I realized tho that i still had my name. Joy Morykon. My parents gave me the name Joy and i'm thankful for that gift from them. Another part of my dad i can cling to. And Morykon the name given to me by my precious husband Brian, allowing me to be his wife and a part of his precious family. Even if i no longer had him, (i don't let my mind dwell there too long, i would fall apart) i will always have his name, as long as i live. I also realized that who i am will not be taken from me, nor will what i have learned sitting at His feet.

Lk 10:42 "but only one thing is necessary, for Mary (Joy?) has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

Then i had a dream this morning, between 8-9am. It is usually in the morning that i have the worse ones. I was visiting a friend. I'm not sure who it was but we were in her pool, playing some games with other friends of hers. We were supposed to leave soon on a road trip to meet my brother, something about meeting him somewhere at 1pm. By the time we got out of the pool dripping wet, i reallized it was so late. After 4pm and i needed to rush and grab my things that were in her room, where i had stayed, and get on the road to meet him. I walk in, trying to find my towel and dry off, and to my surprise is no where to be found.

Then, frustrated of course, i walk dripping into her room to get my things. NONE OF MY THINGS WERE THERE! all of them gone. My suitcase, my purse, my computer, i can't remember in detail what i was missing but i was pissed!Apparently, her dad, had taken my things and said i had no identity anymore. They were no where to be found. i don't know if he sold them or what. But i woke up crying. (you know dream crying, not any real tears but your heart is so heavy) SO there it is. What is really going on is i am afraid of everything being taken from me, including my identity, sitting on a strangers front lawn, dripping wet, in a swimsuit, with nothing.