Mini breakdown last night
i had a pretty rough night last night. Lucy was moving around a lot and actually hurting me with her pushing. Then i would have a contraction in between and sometimes couldn't tell if it was her or the contraction. either way it was pretty painful and i had my rice heating bag with me all night. Nothing was consistent so i was just practice labor..
My sweet brian coached me thru some relaxation and visualization (including one time we visited the castle at Cair Paravel) He is so great at helping me when i'm feeling bad. during one of these times (we were up most of the night on and off) i started to think about my dad. i haven't done that in a while. I guess in the back of my mind i really just assumed that he would come when Lucy did and he wouldn't miss her birth. It was this sick realization that labor was coming soon but dad was not going to be here for it. it was like 3am and i was emotional. i was feeling really nervous about knowing when i was in labor or not. And i just started crying - he's really not coming. i just can't believe it. Death is such a hard thing to wrap your mind around. I don't think i'll ever understand it. So i asked brian, "dad really did exist didn't he?" he was like, " you wouldn't be here if he didn't, Lucy wouldn't be here if he didn't"... i miss him so much.
This is me in the picture of course (dad is soo young!) but this is the one thing that will be missing on the day that Lucy is born - that great Bill Dooley grin.
11 Comments:
Good Luck with the birth...It's got to be any minute now! xox
btw: thanks for visiting my blog too
it seems that the pain we are both experiencing through this wait is somehow cleansing. .... teaching us things our souls need to learn. may you be blessed with peace and comfort in your last days as a single wife :)
love you bunches!!!!!
((Joy)) -
Thanks for your prayers for Owen and his surgery ... I love the picture of young Bill Dooley and his beautiful, brand-new daughter. I don't believe his smile will be missing the day Lucy is born - he will be flashing it all around Heaven as he celebrates her new life with the awesome Creator of life!
I just wanted to give you some encouragement. My baby was two weeks late and it was very difficult to wait especially since others were having their babies before mine. It will all be worth it in the end. I also understand how hard it is to not have your father around. I can easily slip` into sadness that my little man won't have a grandpa like I did, but he does have a father which I didn't. God Bless and enjoy every second!
joy - i'm so sorry you are having a tough time. your dad was such a good man. but I think stephanie's right - your daddy will be flashing his smile around heaven when Lucy's born. I like that image. But I know it still hurts...
love you.
death is such a hard thing to comprehend. I know your Dad will be there with you when Lucy is born. It will be an unbelievably joyful time and he will be a part of it. I hope you get a better nights sleep tonight-or maybe this will be the time! :) peace to you, my sweet friend.
Joy, I cannot tell you how excited I am for you and your family, I’ve checked your site everyday to see if there was any news, and today when I saw the first picture my first though was “she had the baby and there’s a picture of her with Craig (Will)” And then I went on to read the rest of the post. . .it seems that no matter how hard I look at that picture, I still see your brother. . .so yes, your dad will be there with you when you go into labor, he’ll be there in the form of your brother, in the eyes of your mother, in you and in this new little baby that you are bringing into the world. We all miss him, non as much as you though, and I can only imagine how proud he must be of you and his first grandbaby!
Take care and I’m praying for you
Joy I have no words of wisdom, but I do have prayers and affirmations. You know you will see your dad again, and Brian is so right - Lucy would not have come to be if it weren't for him. I'm so sorry for your loss. You're a strong person and I pray the Lord gives you peace and strength as you bring your precious baby girl into this world. I love you.
that is one of the cutest dad-daughter pictures i have seen. wow. your dad is so proud of his little girl.
good luck with all the labor stuff. it's hard, but the end is worth it!
I just read the wonderful news on your Mom's blog ... then saw the beautiful pictures on Lucy's new site ... You did great, girl! She is beautiful. God bless the new family of THREE!
hey congrats! i managed to track down the pictures from the previous post! lucy is a beautiful little girl!
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