Homecoming

I just can't think of a good way to start or even write this post. I want to, i must because you deserve it and i have to get it out. So many emotions squished into a matter of 3 days i don't know how i will explain but let me try, so i'll just get right to it and see where it takes me.

I am so happy to introduce you to my DAUGHTER! i can't believe i have a daughter! Her name is Lucy Adria and you can read about her and see her pictures here. She would love to meet you so if you are wondering when to stop by please come Wed, Thurs or Friday between 4-7pm. We would love to see you!

Let me begin with Labor & Delivery. Two things which in my case were totally different experiences in a 38 hr period. I am honestly nervous about posting about this but i feel i must share this story with you. It will be an exercise in obedience. I was having a hard time dealing with things not going the way i thought they should. But the Lord showed me that it was as it needed to be and He answered so many of my prayers, the biggest one was to have a calm and peaceful birth. So i'll start with Labor. One of the verses that Brian read to me that first night was John 16:21"Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world." It is really the verse that describes this first part of my story.

It all started Thursday evening around 6 or so mom and i started timing my contractions and loosing the mucus plug. We went to Walmart for some last minute things thinking - this could be the night... They got progressively more painful until at 1am Friday i "KNEW" i was in labor. The pain was super intense but the relaxation techniques i had learned were working pretty well. So we calmly packed up and got everything ready to go to the hospital. Kim and Mom were helping out while brian gave me a massage b4 we went. My contractions were 5 min apart, really painful and i wasn't able to walk or talk thru them. We get to the hospital after a hard ride. (having contractions in a moving vehicle is not a good time) After they asked me a zillion questions and checked me. I'm at 2 CENTIMETERS!! What? i had just rated my pain as a 10!!! You mean we have 8 more to go and i'm already at my limit? I was crushed. I mean, people walk during contractions, they bake bread and even drive sometimes. I expected i would be able to handle them. i didn't think the pain would come till the end. But no here i was not even in labor enough to stay at the hospital - embarrassing - at a 10 on my pain scale! So our choice - walk (um, no) or go home.. so we left. i wish i could forget the things i said to brian sobbing in the car about how i can't do this and i'm such a failure i can't even handle the contractions! i have never in my life felt so low and discouraged about not meeting my own expectations. i wanted to die. I knew that no amount of massage, baths or relaxation was going to get me to the end. there was only one option - the epidural. One that i never completely discounted but really believed that i would progress so fast i wouldn't have time for one and wouldn't have to make that choice.

Labor at home, Friday, after arriving discouraged and hating myself, was probably the hardest day of my life. My contractions were anywhere from 20 to 5 min apart all day long. The longest stretch of sleep i got was 20 min in between them waking me. Brian, Mom and Kim (my dream team) were trying to help me any way they could. I hardly ate i couldn't walk. i took baths, sat on the ball we even watched Kevin James at one point. But nothing became a consistent 3-5 min apart which meant we could go back to the hospital - and get my epidural. The contractions got much worse. We were calling them the "Oh my God help me" contractions. Those were - wow, um intense. So we were supposed to wait till these were 5 min apart.. I thought it would never happen. I was in tears way before the time they were between 8 -5 min apart but that was when i begged everyone to just take me to the hospital. i decided i would just stay there until they would admit me.

This was 1am Saturday morning. My sweet nurse Heather checked me and confirmed i was dilated to 4 or 5 cm. YES! that means i get to stay in the hospital and no more bumpy rides in the car. I asked when was the soonest i could get my epidural. Heather made my day and said, "oh we can do that right away" ahhhh....
Dr Vandenburg was on call and i had just had an appointment with her to do my non-stress test so i was glad i had gotten a chance to meet her before. She wasn't my first pick, but doctor Baker was up next at 8am so i was secretly hoping that he would deliver Lucy. Some of my friends like this one and this one are a little crazy about the man. Lucy wasn't born till 3pm so he did deliver her - now i know what they mean! But i'm getting ahead of myself.

So they get me hooked up to every monitor in the place and get my IV in. Then the magic medicine - the epidural. I can't tell you how desperate i was at this point for some sort of relief i hadn't slept in days and had barely eaten. It took around 20 min to get it going. But when i felt it - the angels sang! This was 3:30am which is where i'll begin the "Delivery" part of my story.

This is the verse that the Lord kept bringing to my mind the entire time we were in labor and it just explains what happen next so well.
Psalm 91:14- 15"Because she has loved Me, therefore I will deliver her; I will set her securely on high, because she has known My name. "She will call upon Me, and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble; I will rescue her and honor her.

See i was having strong contractions and Dr Vandenburg broke my water after an hour or so, so they were coming steady and strong - i guess, weird thing is i couldn't feel a thing. I slept! I must have taken 3 naps the entire day. It was heaven! I was talking with my nurses, joking and telling stories. I was so happy! Kim, Mom and Brian slept too and they were soo glad to have my moaning, crying and fits over. It was just a great day. I loved knowing my baby was coming and the pain was over. I was still nervous about the end - pushing you know, the ring of fire all that.... But it took me a while to get there. I wasn't dilated completely till 1 or 2pm by this time they had also given me some pitocin which was fine with me cause, again, i couldn't feel a THING! when i was at 9 cm, Dea Britt and Gaylyn stopped by to check on me. Right before it was time to get going and i realized i had the shakes real bad. I was scared about the end i didn't really believe it would stay so blissful even thru the delivery. Brian hooked me up to my ipod and i heard some U2 - which always makes things better and i chilled out till Molly my new nurse told me it was time to push. Which i did for 45 min feeling nothing but pressure so relaxed that i almost feel asleep in between pushes. Dr Baker let me deliver her after her head and shoulders came out. It was the coolest thing! She had nothing wrong, no cord wrapped no distress no nothing. I kept on asking the nurse checking her over after she was born - you sure there's NOTHING wrong with her? i mean no big birth mark or anything?? Wow. I only tore a little and the recovery will be quick i think.

So that is the story of my Delivery. He truly did deliver me He was there in my trouble - rescued me and honored me with the most beautiful daughter. i never imagined she would take my breath away. I am not worthy of such a special gift from God. But some how He decided i should be a mother and i hope that i will always take my instructions from Him on how to take care of her and raise her in His kingdom. In Him are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. He will show me what to do.

We are now home and if you are still reading (i know the longest post of all time) thank you. We had our first night together. brian and i are doing our Lucy learning, and i think soon we will come to a new way of living that fits us comfortably. Brian has been such an amazing help all the time. But that is just the self sacrificing man that he is. Thanks baby. Don't know when i will post again or call any of you. The phone is just not something i feel like using right now. But i wanted you to know how i'm doing that after going thru this Labor and Delivery and working thru my feelings of guilt - somehow thinking i didn't suffer quite enough - i know, i know. I have worked thru my feelings with the Lord and am confident that my birthing experience was just what He wanted it to be, what we all needed. And now Lucy is here. nothing else matters. Thank you so much for your prayers, support and love for my family. I am so blessed to call you friends. LOVE YOU!