Breakthrough
I am so thankful for the support around me right now. I know there are so many people praying that we will find the right house and i am so grateful for that. I've been talking to the Lord about my feelings about the house and how discouraged i've been. I realized i was doing exactly what i can't stand in other people. Saying things like IF I ONLY HAD ...... i'd be happy. fill in the blank with whatever, boyfriend, husband, baby, job whatever it is. Wanting something so bad you just can't think about anything else or anyone else.
Because i arrogantly i think to myself well if Jesus was filling every part of them they wouldn't feel like they need that something to be whole. Jesus would be making them whole. So now it's my turn. That is where i have sinned. I am now confessing this to you. In addition to the sin of judging others, I really somehow got to the point that i believed if we had a house i would be so much happier, settled, whole, at peace. I was wrong. I recognize that having a house will be a good thing i'm sure but, i want to refocus and remember that all of those things i was thinking a house would give me, really comes from my relationship with Jesus. i want to be whole in Him. This Lent has been hard not constantly searching for a house, but I know as He teaches me that He is all i need to be full, my heart will be at peace. As i was listening to Pray as you Go this week the passage was Jeremiah 17:7 I felt like it was just for me
7 But blessed is the woman who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
8 She will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; (August due date)
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
This is what i want to be is unmoving. Always trusting in Him. I want to be this to Brian, Lucy and baby on the way, and to my family and friends. I hate for people to worry," Oh no what is Joy going to do now that things aren't going her way?" I feel like they have to brace them selves for all my whining and complaining when things aren't going well. Wouldn't it be nicer if they thought, "This is going to be a hard time on Joy, but she has really learned to handle when things don't go her way, she is trusting in Jesus, she'll be fine" And NOT be afraid to be around me! I know especially for poor Brian who sees me and hears my every complaint, i'd especially love for him to feel safer around me.
If i continue to keep going to the Source to let His word change my heart and perspective i am confident this image of the tree by the water can and will be me one day, and i will never fail to bear fruit. I am so thankful for this passage this week it has been food for my soul.
Thank you for all your sweet comments and your prayers. I know there are so many others that are going thru a much more difficult time of waiting than i but it means so much to me that you know my heart and care for me. Thank you.
Labels: house, Jesus teaching me
4 Comments:
Joy you are so sweet. You are so open and honest. You are fresh air to me. I love you so dearly girl! I hope you know that I have been praying for you everyday.
Psalms 139 (I put your name in it)
1 O LORD, you have searched Joy
and you know her.
2 You know when she sits and when she rises;you perceive her thoughts from afar.
3 You discern Joy's going out and her lying down;you are familiar with all Joys ways.
4 Before a word is on her tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hemmed Joy in—behind and before;you have laid your hand upon Joy.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for her,too lofty for her to attain.
7 Where can Joy go from your Spirit? Where can she flee from your presence?
8 If she goes up to the heavens, you are there; if she makes her bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If Joy rises on the wings of the dawn,if she settles on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide Joy,your right hand will hold her fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide her and the light become night around her,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;the night will shine like the day,for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created her inmost being; you knit her together in her mother's womb.
14 Joy praises you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
She knows that full well.
15 Her frame was not hidden from you ,when Joy was made in the secret place. When she was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw her unformed body. All the days ordained for her
were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to her are your thoughts, O God!How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were she to count them,they would outnumber the grains of sand.
hen she awakes,she is still with you.
23 Search her, O God, and know Joy' s heart; test her and know her anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in her, and lead her in the way everlasting.
I'm so proud of you Joy. God desires to give us all things but He knows that until we are satisfied in Him certain things wouldn't be good for us.
It's like marriage. When we were content with being single He gave us each other. It will be the same with the house.
Love,
Brian
joy - this is definitely a breakthrough. i am glad to hear you are settling and sitting in this space of uncertainty. It's easy to complain, it's harder to 'be content whatever the circumstances' - but aren't those the best times of growth? i'm proud (and relieved) to see you moving in this direction...were it not for my own selfish attitude over the last two weeks, i would have had the energy to chat with you about this. so forgive me. keep seeking after him...
It's really encouraging to hear you still wanting something yet striving for contentment in the "right now" situation; that's a lesson I'm constantly learning. Can you imagine how miserable life would be if you (or me) were always wanting something different? There would be so much goodness and so many blessings missed!
Post a Comment
<< Home