fromjoy

"The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." matt 13:44

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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

celebrate baby

daddy,

You were in my dream yesterday. You were wearing a white suit. Cliche i know! you come down from heaven to my dreams in a white suit. I was so glad to see you. You came to celebrate with us that i'm pregnant. i was cutting some vegetables or something and i told you that things wouldn't be as good as you are used to (in heaven) but i would make you some food. Then you were gone. i woke up like i was sobbing. i miss you so much. This time will be so hard with out you. Damn i miss you!

You would have been so excited to find out that we were going to have a baby. The Lords timing is so perfect. But i wish you were here daddy. I miss you so much.

brian and i are doing so much better. We are learning to love and respect each other the way we need it. i know this will be a good year for us. the baby comes in November.

Who do you miss the most from your past? : My Dad. It should have been someone else Not him. He should still be here

I just got out some pictures of you. You look so great! i love looking at pictures of you. I like looking at your funny blue jeans you always wore and some terrible polo shirt. I love your hands. They were one of my favorite parts of you. Your smile was always the best too... the biggest in the world. It had to be big enough to show every single one of the teeth in your head. What a great face. I even love your bald spot on your head. Daddy.. where are you? When are you coming back?

I found a picture of you and Dustin when he was a tiny baby... i wish you were here to hold my tiny baby when she comes. I miss you so much daddy. I think of you a lot. Your picture is in with my YMCA card and your old gym card i take with me every time i go to yoga. i always look at this picture of us before i walk in the door it's my little work out ritual. Damn i miss you. There is just no words to describe how i'm really feeling. Where are you? Don't you want to come back?

8 Comments:

At 1:39 PM, Blogger Melody said...

My precious daughter,

You made me cry..I miss him too. Thank you for being so transparent and venting on your blog. Daddy is SO happy about the baby, I just know it!!

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger heather said...

love you joy - my heart hurts for your pain...even though my dad is still here, i have some of the same anger for him and his pain. thanks for being willing to share your heart. i know your dad is really happy for you - and he'll tell you that one day...i promise. :)

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger chica canifru said...

Me uno a las lágrimas de las demás.Que triste es la ausencia de un padre,el mio tampoco esta.
Puedo entenderte y aunque no encontraste esas palabras para explicar como te sentias,yo se como.

 
At 11:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Joy, I am thinking of you and all the emotions you are feeling. I can relate to your pain although my dad hasn't passed away, we are very distant these days, and it is a big empty spot. Things here have calmed down alot. Sophia is doing very well. She actually went to school today all day. So, now it's back to normal next week. I'm so sorry about the coffeehouse. I feel awful about it. Thanks for being so understanding. Love, Jodi

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Holli said...

Thanks for your heart wrenching honest, Joy. I hurt with you my dear friend. love you.

 
At 9:29 AM, Blogger so i go said...

this was extremely touching Joy, thank you for sharing it.

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger Sandy said...

OH, what a wonderful post. Made me cry. Thank God for good daddys.

 
At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Joy, I tried to be high-tech earlier and leave my comment by becoming a blogger but my computer was very confused and refused to co-operate. I want to tell you how happy I am for you and Brian as you start this wonderful never-ending experience of having a child. I also want to tell you that I am sad for you because of your loss in the death of your dad. I know he was a wonderful father to you, so caring and open to your opinions and desireous that you grow and mature. I know he is proud of you. Your question of "Where are you, Dad?" reminded me of some of my feelings that I experienced when I lost my dad in 1972. I was thirty-nine years old at that time and a few months after his death I learned I was going to become a grandmother for the first time. I had given him his first grandson and now I would love to tell him that his grandson was to become a father. I very explicitly remember that I was walking along the sidewalk with my brother after leaving the funeral home and we were discussing that very thing. "Where are you, Dad?" A thought came to me that was very comforting and I believe it was a thought from God. My thought was "Daddy is with Jesus." Then I remembered, "Jesus is in my heart. My dad is in my heart with Jesus and he will be as long as I live and for eternity." I love you, dear Joy, and pray that God will comfort you in his own special way. Grandma Margaret

 

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