Embrace this Chaos
A year ago I was elated with thoughts of pregnancy and planning how things would be. Now i'm here. I'm a mom. Lucy is 3 months old. She is perfect for me. Beautiful. Passionate. Testing. Laughing. Amazing. I'm crazy about her. I'm just trying to figure out what i do now.
While i was pregnant it was what to do till she comes? How to make the most of my time. Now it's what do i do while she is sleeping (like right now)? I get this idea that i can do it all. That i can clean and cook and craft and be a good friend and organize events and blog and what ever else, all while she is sleeping! UM ~ NO. So ok. What DO i do? I'm exhausted right now i want to take a nap but as soon as i lay down thoughts of what i need to do just swarm my brain and i get no rest. I need to make bread. I need to make soup. Karen is coming, Emily is coming. Is Lucy still sleeping? Need to tell Brian about what Mike said. Call mom about Saturday night. Call Faith about silent auction.
My question is this: What are my priorities? How do i invite Jesus into this space? How do i do all things in His name? How do i live a life as a disciple of His? When do i meditate on scripture? When do i get solitude? How do i shut these thoughts off? so, no it's not just one question it's a zillion!
My answer: Embrace this chaos. But, is this the only way? Is the only way of getting thru this time of chaos to embrace it? how do i survive? how do i shut off my mind to rest? - I can't even do that at night!
I'm hungry for peace. I'm hungry for rest. Hungry for order and routine. Hungry for Him to fill me. Will i never have this again? What's crazy is i find myself eating all the time and i'm not really hungry for food. My body knows it's hungry, it just doesn't get how to satisfy that kind of hunger.
I'm glad i wrote this. i'm a little closer to knowing what is going on inside me. - going to take a nap, in Jesus name. I need you every hour, Precious Lord.
